I'm just back from the hospital today and feeling rather edgy. I hadn't intended to blog, but sometimes it's better to let it out than keep it in. It would be nice to be able to talk to my mother or sister about this sort of thing, but somehow when I talk to them, they both manage to say completely the wrong thing and just wind me up. They make me feel like having a normal birth is the only realistic option, and having a caesarian would be some kind of failure.
Anyway, my due date is tomorrow, 9th April, so I've made it! I don't think I really expected to last this long. At the same time, it all feels rather unreal, and the prospect of actually going into labour is a bit scary. I'll be speaking to my midwife tomorrow and the doctor at the hospital has recommended that we arrange a membrane sweep which could get things started within 48 hours.
I don't know why I'm worrying in a way. After all, going into labour is the normal outcome of becoming pregnant. The prospect of having the membrane sweep somehow just makes things feel that bit more imminent. And once I go into labour, I feel like I'm not in control any more. Maybe that's the bit that bothers me most - I am a bit of a control freak!
My blood pressure has also been rising over the last week or so, and if it continues to rise, then there's also the possibility that things may be taken out of my hands from that perspective.
On the other hand, if nothing happens by next Tuesday I'll be back at the hospital discussing my options for induction or caesarian. If given the choice at that point, I may just opt for the caesarian.
In the mean time, I'm still playing the waiting game. I wish I could settle down to a nice bit of stitching, but can't think of anything I feel like working on. Maybe I'll go and do some baking.