Monday, April 02, 2012

Stepping back

I give up. I don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going. And I feel like nobody cares either. I know it’s me and my problem, but I’m just fed up going round in circles getting nowhere. And I need to stop apologising to everyone and feeling like I have to justify my actions.

I don’t know whether I want to continue blogging or not. I’ve lost my voice, don’t have anything to say.

Reading blogs is very annoying for me at the moment too. So many bloggers sound so smug and happy in their own limited little worlds where they never acknowledge that anything ever goes wrong. Or maybe something bad happens one week, but by the following week they deny that the bad thing ever existed.

Personally, I believe that your blog should reflect all of who you are and that includes the bad bits. You don’t have to discuss them in all their gory detail, just acknowledge that life is not all sweetness and light and bad things happen and can have on-going repercussions.

I read a blog post a couple of weeks ago that I even found mildly insulting. Someone taking great pride in never having worked and flitting round like a butterfly from one random thing to another all day and how that could never fit into a working life. I think she’d be surprised what work can give you. But at the same time, am I also jealous of her way with colour and her supportive family? The supportive family, definitely, I could do with a supportive family, not the kids (my kids are truly wonderful), but I could do with some more supportive adults in my life.

And I’m really p!ss℮d off with my sore elbow. Had a cortisone injection last week, but it hasn’t worked. Back to square one. Maybe I need a complete break from crochet? (Please, no!) Although how much damage can 30 mins a day do?

But 30 mins a day so frustrating too – want to cram a little bit of crochet into every spare minute. And inspiration comes thick and fast and I have no time to do anything about it!

As I said, I know it’s me and my problem, just need to take a little time to feel more at home in my own head.

So I’m stepping back. Don’t know when or if I’ll be back here at all. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll come back as somebody else.