Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The invisible woman

Firstly, thanks everybody for all the lovely comments on my last post! I’m glad you like Cedric and Celebi as much as I do!

I don’t want to moan (but sometimes maybe I should more?) and complain about how depressed I am. This blog is supposed to be about doing crafty stuff, not about me navel gazing and feeling sorry for myself. But sometimes there are too many thoughts whizzing around in my head and today I just want to get some of them out into the open to try and make sense of them.

At work, I often feel like the work I do is invisible, as am I. There are times when I can be actively involved in new IT developments, in thinking about what we do and how we should do it. And I love that bit. But too much of the time, I get dragged off to work on urgent tasks to ‘keep the lights on’ metaphorically speaking, to make sure everybody gets paid the right amount at the right time. And because payroll never falls over completely and disaster doesn’t strike, nobody ever notices the amount of effort it takes to get there.

And at home, I put all the love and effort I can into caring for my children, so that they can have the opportunity to do anything they choose with their lives. And when my DH comes home from work in a foul mood and short tempered with everybody, I do everything I can not to let his unkind words hurt us and make sure the children can stay happy and child-like.

When Iona has a bit of a tantrum or can’t talk about what’s bothering her for crying, it’s not that she’s doing it deliberately (well, not usually anyway) because she thinks that’s how to get what she wants, it’s just that she’s only 3 years old and still learning to talk to people about what she wants or likes or doesn’t like, and is still learning to negotiate. And staying calm and supportive and encouraging her to calm down and talk is not teaching her that crying is the answer.

And when Niamh does the silly things that toddlers do or won’t leave daddy alone with whatever he’s trying to do, it’s not that she’s deliberately misbehaving – she doesn’t know what misbehaving means yet. She just needs someone to be calm and supportive and to talk to her or distract her.

And getting cross with Alexander won’t encourage him to talk to you or share anything that’s bothering him and could end up completely alienating him.

And I feel like the effort I put in there is kind of invisible too as, to the children, that’s just what their mum is like, so it’s not worthy of anything special. And I can’t tell my DH these things as he’s almost impossible to have a conversation with these days.

But I love love love making things! Some days, it’s the one thing that keeps me going, that makes me feel alive. Usually there isn’t as much time as I’d like, but I can live with that. It’s the days when there isn’t any time at all that are hard.

And blogging seems to be the only way I can share my love of making things, but sometimes that feels invisible too. I think blogging culture has changed a bit over the years – people don’t comment as much as they used to – probably at least partly because to the sheer number of blogs out there! But also I think, because of feed readers which don’t present you with the opportunity to comment quite so readily – it’s just a few clicks more further away and just not so quick or convenient. And I know I’m especially bad at it these days too, for reasons that would take up a whole new blog post!

However, I would love it if you’d just stop by and say hello as you’re passing – then I won’t feel quite so invisible.


Stitched Together said...

Just typed a huge comment and is disappeared when I tried to post it! Maybe that's why you aren't getting comments.

Julie said...

Blogger just ate my fist comment too....

2nd try - There are too many pressures on families now where both parents have to work to make ends meet, i was lucky enough to be a SAHM but not sure that was a good thing. My family are no help at all at home now as they have never had to do it, they think the fairies do all the laundry, cleaning etc.

You are fantastic to juggle family, home and work and then still be able to be creative and make such wonderful items with the limited time you get.

I HAVE TO have some craft time each day otherwise the men in white coats would have whisked me off years ago LOL

Keep on crafting, you are an inspiration to us all, and i love to see what your creative juices have come up with. As the children grow you time for you will increase, sounds to me like you have the perfect attitude as to how they need to be nurtured and encouraged. xxx

Kelly said...

How about I offer a cyber hug? I don't have children but I get the moody husband and work. Hope things start looking up. Start a beautiful new project to get you excited about your crafts and help you relax after long days. Best wishes.

Paula said...

Hugs. I get the invisible feeling too sometimes. Keeping crafting and posting and you are definitely not alone or invisible.

mainely stitching said...


I have sometimes tried to comfort myself by thinking of homelife as a job, to give myself a little emotional distance. But that seemed wrong on some basic, fundamental level, LOL. It is an awful feeling to slip ever deeper into the background, to only be notice (it seems) when you snap. (Or at least, I snap - maybe you don't.)

And as you said, thank god for crafts or whatever it takes to hold on to our sanity for yet another day. Even if it takes, oh, say, a barnyard with inhabitants nearing the three-digit mark. ;)

Tatkis said...

Don't think that your children doesn't feel or see it - it is really very important!
And craft is an important part of our lives :)
Be brave and have a good day!


Karoline said...


Love Cedric and Celebi, they're great

Val said...

Just wanted to send you a (((hug) if it gets posted this time as sometimes I have probs with posts ...

Val x

Von said...

Stopping by to say hi and to encourage you to hang in there! Keep on loving your family and making things!!

I don't get a chance to read blogs as much as I used to and using a reader does make it more efficient - but less personal. I'm sorry you've been so down lately and really hope and pray that things turn around for you soon.


Jo who can't think of a clever nickname said...

Sending hugs too.
I used to work in a big office and certain people only appreciated me when I left and he had to find six different people to do my job. Yes 6! No one person would do it all.
Then I was a single Mum, believe me, it's not that bad. Certainly better than having an unsupportive fella around!
Your kids do love and appreciate you, think of all the daily cuddles you get. We love you too xx

Anonymous said...

First time commenter but love your creativity.
My thoughts to get from 9-5. I don't live to work, I work to live. It doesn't have to be personally, awesomely fulfilling, because that's what my hobbies are for.
If my fave things suddenly put the same pressure on me that my work does to pay the bills, then they would fast become my 'hates' and that ain't happenin'!
Hope the sun shines soon.
Karen C