Mummys love

There's an apostrophe missing somewhere!

Mummy's love - love of a mother?
Mummy's love - Mummy is love?
Mummys' love - love of all mothers?

Mummys (plural) love (verb)?

Take your pick.

I made the above over the weekend - aren't they cute? I suppose they're a kind of substitute for this which I love, but somehow, I don't want to buy for myself (but anyone's welcome to give me it as a present). Somehow, it just doesn't seem like the sort of thing I should be spending money on.

Anyway, the dolls above were crocheted using 4 ply yarn following the Mummy's Love pattern by Simple Arts Planet.

Then, I was reading Kitty's blog post this morning and thinking about being a mother and also the things it seems to be easier to share online than with 'real' people. (Not that people online aren't 'real' too, of course, but how to distinguish between poeple you know online and those you know in person?)

It got me thinking, yet again, about something I've been sort of meaning to blog about for a long time. Even now, as I think I'm ready to write about this, something still makes me pause and I'm not sure what.

It is something I want to share, I think I just don't want to sound too self pitying, self centred or sorry for myself. That's not why I want to write this.

I want to write this to tell other people out there that there is hope, that post natal depression doen not have to take over your life.

There - I've said it - post natal depression. I suffered from post natal depression following the births of both my children. With Alexander, it was untreated and is the one reason why I only have 2 children and why there is a 7 and a half year gap between them. With Iona, I knew that I didn't want to go through it all again, so I admitted to it and was treated.

Looking back to last year after Iona's birth, for the first couple of weeks I felt like the stuffing had been completely knocked out of me due to the hormonal changes. I could very easily have spent the entire 2 weeks in tears. After that, I began to love being at home and being able to spend all my time with my little baby.

But by the time Iona got to about 6 weeks, I was starting to have the same feelings I'd had when Alexander was a baby. I would spend my day in a constant state of panic. If she was asleep - what would I do if she woke up? If she was awake what would I do if she cried? How on earth could I cope? Goodness only knows why I felt like this, but it was exactly the same with Alexander. And at the same time, I knew that I had no need to feel like that. Both my babies were (and still are) good natured, they wouldn't cry for no reason and if you dealt with that reason, they would stop crying and be smiley little babies again. But the endless worry and panic took all the pleasure out of being with them and with being a mother.

So last year, early on while the hormones were still mucking me about and I was feeling pretty awful anyway, I spoke to my health visitor. And she listened and was very good and kept a lookout for me over the next few weeks. And when the anxiety and depression returned, she sent me straight to the doctor who put me straight on medication.

I was completely and utterly astounded at the difference it made. I went from a vague hope that the medication would make me feel at least a little better, to having the anxiety and depression removed completely. Suddenly, I loved every second I spent with Iona. I went from thinking maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mother to absolutely loving it. I loved the time I had at home being a full time mum and joining in the school run with Alexander.

I would dearly love to have another child, but it won't happen for a variety of reasons. But at least, this time, post natal depression isn't one of them.

So if anyone reading this suspects that they or someone they know is struggling with post natal depression, please act on it - it could make an enormous difference.

Well, I think the blahs are on their way, at least I hope they are, but I don't know that I'm quite back to my normal self yet. I feel like I'm struggling a bit - I've just sat down here at work and written down a list of all the things I'm supposed to be doing. Usually I manage to keep track of things in my head, but I feel like I'm struggling a bit with it at the moment. I'm also struggling a bit to keep up with my blog reading - there always seem to be far too many posts waiting for me in Google Reader and it keeps putting me off catching up with them.

However, I am feeling a bit more positive about the crochet I've been doing recently and enjoying it a bit more. But, I do seem to be desparately procastinating over the floss ring tag I'm supposed to be making for the Tiny Treasures Exchange. If only I could get it finished, I've promised myself that I'll let myself crochet a certain amigurumi animal for my exchange partner.

Last week, I crocheted a monkey for Claire's Secret Monkey Swap, so that's ready to go out nearer the end of the month.

And as I was walking home last night, I suddenly realised that I haven't shown this to you.


I crocheted it from this pattern which I found via Ravelry. It was great fun to crochet! It's a stellated dodecahedron, that is, a twelve sided 3D shape but instead of having flat sides, it has pointy cone type things sticking out making it a kind of 3D twelve pointed star. As I said, it was great fun to crochet - the twelve cone shapes are all joined as you go along, and it's easier to make than you might think.

I thought Iona might like it as a ball or toy (well that's my excuse) but I rather think I like it bettwe than either Iona or Alexander. I put some bells in the middle, but, as I suspected, they're too squashed by the stuffing to jingle very much. I should take it apart a bit, and put the bells into something (like a plastic practise golf ball?) and stuff round that.

When I was planning this post yesterday, I thought I had no interesting photos to share at all, so I made this mosaic.


Some of the gorgeous flower photos I've seen on Flickr recently. Inspirational or what? My Flickr obsession continues!

Multiplication

One little bunny, all on her own ......

Soon became two, (this photo just does not want to line up nicely!)

Then three,

Four,

And five....

Guess what I did last week? And then it got to Friday and I suddenly realised that I have two exchanges to complete by the end of the month!

Something to do with my template

Well, that's one problem solved! If you look on the RHS you should see my followers (particularly if you're using IE), and even I can see them! And it's lovely to see you all - yay! Looks like it was something to do with my template that was stopping my Followers being visible, to me at least. So next, I'll be away on the hunt for a snazzy new template. I just switched to something very basic here to see if my Followers would work.

I'm cross with Google Reader at the moment too. I just skim through all the blogs I have waiting to be read, not reading them properly and rarely commenting. It's the one thing that really bugs me about feed readers - they're just not proactive enough. If anyone knows any better, please let me know!

Because of my current apathetic mood, even photos don't excite me and I'm wasting far too much time looking at nothing in particular on Flickr.

So I'm having a completely apathetic week, still sleeping badly in the bunk beds, and feeling like I'm getting absolutely nothing constructive done in any way shape or form. Blah!

In fact, getting my Followers fixed is the highlight of my week! Think I'll just give up on this week completely.

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Edited later: This template's slightly different and gives me a bit of scope to play around with - could be fun! Now to get all my sidebar widgets sorted out.