Wow - thanks for the lovely comments on my last post! I hope I didn't sound too down about Iona, she's just hard work. I'm sorry I haven't made it round your blogs yet to catch up.

As I type this, I'm about to become an aunt for the third time - my youngest sister is currently in labour with her first baby. So lots of good wishes going to Jill and Dave.

12 feb 2011 - my 44th birthday. Can't believe how much has changed since my 40th! I have to laugh at the scale of the change - on my 40th birthday I would never have dreamed that by the time I was 44 I'd have had 2 more children, both girls! I was quite happy seeing myself as the mother of a son, now it seems I suddenly have to reinvent myself as the mother of girls too! LOL!

Now to get something off my chest - apologies for the moan.

I'm not very good at birthdays these days, not that my age bothers me. What does bother me is the lack of attention my birthday gets from any member of my family - it's the same at Christmas - and it's my own fault, really. I put a lot of effort into organizing gifts and cake etc for other family birthdays and in buying gifts people will like at Christmas, and I find it hurtful that nobody does the same for me. I do get cards from my family, but presents or any form of celebration is practically non-existant. I've started trying to organize things myself around my birthday, but even that failed miserably this year, thanks to a nasty cold.

I know I should tell my family how I feel and that I see a birthday as a big opportunity to show someone how you appreciate them, but it feels very selfish and petty to be complaining about birthdays at my age!

Here's a photo of the one and only present I got at Christmas (from my parents).


I'd finished most of the stitching early last year and added a N for Niamh in the summer. I thought it would be nice to make it a special piece, dedicated to my family, and asked my parents to get it framed for me for Christmas. I'm rather pleased with the result - it definitely is something special!

Monday 7 February

Well - where did the last 5 months go? I can't believe it's been so long since I last blogged - I certainly never intended it to be so long! Is there anyone out there even reading this?

What have I been up to? Looking after my family - that's about it! There's little time for anything else. I'm still on maternity leave being a full time mum. Iona's at one of the most frustrating stages of the 'terrible twos' - high spirited and rarely listens to anything anyone says. Any length of time spent around the house frequently descends into a constant stream of 'don't do thats' or arguments over getting her to wear clothes - it all gets rather wearing so as a result we spend most of our time out and about doing various activities. Attempting any adult crafty activity when I'm alone with Iona is definitely a mistake! Any crafty materials would end up generously draped round the entire house with Iona tied in a knot somewhere in the middle.

Fortunately Niamh is a very even tempered and patient wee girl and puts up with being taken here and there and all over the place. She likes to get out and watch people anyway. If she's in the mood she'll smile at people and see who responds.

My post natal depression also returned in the autumn and took a while to get on top of - I really felt I was struggling spending so much time alone with the girls. I think things are on the up now, although there are days when Iona is really hard work and saps my patience.

I also discovered how my depression impacts on my crafty stuff. It's a long time since I did any stitching and I think depression is part of the reason for that. Stitching needs a lot of concentration and when I'm very down I can't concentrate well enough for any length of time and just go off stitching completely.

The next level down in concentration is to crochet. I find it easier to improvise in crochet than with stitching, so if I don't feel like stitching, I'll often play around with crochet. The next level down is to crochet simple things from patterns, so my African flowers blanket gets plenty attention at this point and helps me feel better.

But if I feel any more down that that, then I struggle to find the will to do anything.

These days I'm doing a bit of improvising in crochet in a way that involves my stitching, alternating with time on the computer.

However my free time is limited - up to 1.5 hours most evenings but I have to split that between crochet and the computer and anything else I might want to get done, such as keeping myself and the house clean!

As a result, I'm typing this up one fingered on my iPod at 10.45pm - lights out in 10 mins! Hopefully I'll be able to get this on to Blogger sometime this week - just want to sort out some photos first.

I'll have to start just making a few notes every day or two on my ipod and blogging these notes every so often.

Bye for now (need to get some sleep) hopefully it won't be so long before I'm back again!